Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That

I swear, good things do happen in my life, but this year is something else.

I have 4 younger sisters. The middle one, Valerie, passed away on Wednesday morning, which was her 37th birthday.

Like, seriously, 2020. What. The Actual. Fuck.

We are, for the most part, unsurprised, though it was not currently expected. She struggled with pain, massive depression, and lots of drugs. She leaves behind her husband and 5 children (ages 11, 9, 5, 3, and 1).

I don't pray - I see less and less reason for me to believe every day - but she did, most of my family does. If you're the praying type, please spare one for my parents, my sisters, and her husband and children. If you're not, good thoughts for them all are always appreciated.

MotherFUCK, I am exhausted.

Edit to add: There's a GoFundMe set up for her funeral. If you're able, please consider donating or sharing.

I can't brain enough to link it properly, just go here, please and thank you: https://gf.me/u/y4f456

Home now. Sorry for the apparent vague-booking. It wasn't intended as such; I neither seek nor need attention. Being able to post it helps though, however minutely that is. The following has gone in various forms to a few people via text today.

Have had pain in my groin, left side, the last couple weeks. Constant. Finally told my husband, who Flipped. The Fuck. Out. and nagged to hell and back. Should've just kept my damn mouth shut. Anyway, went to Urgent Care this morning, then to the ER.

Lots of mortifying (pelvic exam, transvaginal ultrasound) and traumatizing (IV for the first time in my life) things later, I have a cyst on my left ovary causing the pain, which will likely resolve itself. Possible endometrial hyperplasia as well, so will need to see the gyno this week to rule out endometrial cancer, which is apparently super treatable. Also probably diabetic, type 2, thanks a metric shit-ton, genetics. Will need to set up a fucking regular doc for that this week as well. At least the ER doc was awesome. Am also anemic. Apparently anemia helps explain why I'm so fucking tired all the time. And the anemia is explained by ridiculous periods and heavy blood clots during them, which is explained by the really thick uterine/endometrial wall - with a lot of blood flow to it. Christ in a sidecar.

Got me a prescription for iron supplements for the anemia, and metformin to see if it brings down the glucose. I am not looking forward to the two battling it out in my damn colon.

Hoping y'all had a better Saturday than this! ♡

I hate my job.

Stop, rephrase. I hate what my job has become.

It's been a while since I bitched about work, so I might as well dive back in while my frustration is raging, right?

Everything has been fucked up and busy as hell since, oh, the last time I posted about work. Which was, admittedly, last year. Nothing got any better, and then someone decided to merge the professional billing with the hospital billing WITH ONLY THREE MONTHS WORTH OF PLANNING.

Which, of course, fucked everything into a billion more pieces than it already was, so you can imagine the headaches in this place.

My dipshit coworker finally retired at the end of April, but did literally NO* work the whole last week, and of course the only other person who knew how to do it was me.

Then they moved cash application down to yet another new manager and supervisor, and these ones, we've discovered, are micro-managers. We've been on our own for the better part of eight years, and suddenly we're under what feels like a microscope.

"You should only be taking two minutes in the bathroom."

"You need to fill out this stat sheet every single day."

"You need to log how many phone calls you get and how long each one takes."

And a bunch of other piddly things that while they do add up, it takes me fifteen to thirty minutes just to do the motherfucking recording of all this shit, and then they ask, "What took you this half hour?" and "You were gone from your desk for four minutes, what were you doing?" Well Jesus Christ on motherfucking stilts, calculating all that shit took half an hour alone! And I was in the bathroom for four minutes; if you can do it in two, then don't touch me or anything on my desk because you aren't cleaning yourself or your hands properly. Two minutes. It takes thirty seconds to walk there and another thirty to walk back, I cannot pee that fast, SUE ME. Fuckers.

I've been trying to train people and so I'm pulled away from my desk just as much as before, yet they're unable to see that it cuts into the time I should be able to use for actually posting the damn cash. It's like I'm back to the first couple years with my first supervisor here, and I am just about ready to tell them to fuck themselves running. Like, literally - just leave all of this stuff to them. They have NO idea what's untouched yet, because I can't get past this other shit Asshole McBastardPants left. It's a vicious cycle and there's just no end in sight.

I have been trying to be open minded about things because I know I resist change like nobody's business (Look, I just think you should make it perfectly clear - preferably with examples/proof - that the changes will make things better and smoother and not be a pain in everyone's collective damn ass, okay?), but I've given it over a month now and it should have gotten better but hasn't.

Impatient? Me? Damn skippy.

Sigh.

*No, seriously, he did NOTHING the whole last week. He ignored everything that came up that was his, walked around and chatted with people, made appointments to talk to people in HR and was basically everywhere but his desk. When his ass actually managed to find his desk chair, he only took small piles of work THAT HE'D ALREADY DONE and pretended to look them up so it looked like he was working. I WATCHED HIM DO THIS. It wasn't surprising, really, but at the same time, just-. WTF.

Our credit union denied us.

Our loan for our now-smashed car is with someone else, but one, they won't approve a second loan while one is already open, even though it's noted that they've sent paperwork to the insurance company and are waiting for a check, and two, according to their website which is where you have to go because they won't answer any questions on the phone, you HAVE to be borrowing a minimum of $7500.00. We only need - at most - $6400.00. And three, it has to be 7 years old or newer (barely skimming the line there) and under 70K miles (116.5K). Go fucking figure.

I called the dealer and left a message, asking if they have any better news for me. If not, then we don't have a car, and don't have a way to get more than some unreliable piece of shit that you probably wouldn't put your pet in, much less your family.

It's difficult to be positive when everything just conspires against you.

Good news? Asshole (who is 100% at fault per three witnesses and the police report) has insurance, and they have to pay for a rental for us for as long as we need it.

It's looking like it might be a long time.

So, first things first:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I wish all the best for each of you this year!

And now with that said, as far as I'm concerned, 2011 can JUST GO FUCK ITSELF.

Some of you already know about my year so far, but most of you don't, so here, quick recap:

New Year's Eve was rung in with me in bed with a moaning and groaning, tummy-achy Boychild. He was puking and couldn't do a number 2, and didn't want anything touching his belly. We thought it was very similar to his stomach flu last April, and called the nurse line on Saturday morning (New Year's Day) to get an opinion. They told us to go to the Children's hospital to the ER because it might be appendicitis.

Sure enough, Boychild had his appendix out that evening - and apparently, so did my aunt. How weird is that?!

Anyway, we spent that night in the hospital, went home the next day. Kept him home Monday, and Tuesday, and were back in the ER Tuesday night because he was having pain that wasn't getting better. After six hours or so, some pee in a cup, some Xrays and a few CAT scans, everything was normal and we went back home. Stayed home with him again Wednesday.

Over those few days, a nasty cold was developing for me, and while we sent Boychild back to school on Thursday, I stayed home because I was feverish and lightheaded from all the coughing. Managed two hours of work on Friday before being ordered home by the manager.

Felt better Saturday. Had some fabulously authentic El Salvador cuisine for lunch, enjoyed some time bumming around a bit. Got the ingredients I was missing for making chorag (Armenian tea bread) - which turned out gorgeously for a first attempt on Sunday, thankyouverymuch - and just generally had a really nice day on Saturday till 7:30 PM, when MY WALLET WAS STOLEN.

We actually don't know if it fell out of my coat pocket and someone found it or if it was actually grabbed from my pocket, but-.

They cleaned out our bank account over the course of Saturday evening and Sunday (yesterday). Apparently, I didn't really think people could be so carelessly indecent, which is why I'm so, so upset over this.

Canceled the check card Sunday morning and filed a police report, went through the motions.

So anyway, went to the bank this morning right when it opened, and they've been very good to us. Started the process, reversed all the charges and resulting overdraft fees; they'll also keep an eye on still-pending transactions for us, and the girl gave us her card and told us to also keep our eyes on it and let her know anything that seems off.

In the Small Favors department, my Social Security card was NOT in there, and we didn't have credit cards in there. Some debit cards, but they all require a PIN to be used, and the PIN isn't written anywhere. Canceled them anyway to be sure, but am reasonably certain they'd be useless.

Have to go get a new ID this coming weekend, and still call the library, among other places.

Our Relative Custody Assistance check was in my wallet, too, so hopefully the idiots didn't try cashing it; we'll have to get it reissued. And of course, the one person I need to talk to about it hasn't bothered to return my call yet.

My head wants to explode. And dammit, I LIKED that wallet.

I've said it once and I will say it again: PEOPLE are my pet peeve.

It's been a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad YEAR. I think I'll move to Australia.

So OMGWTF are people smoking?! Like, seriously. I get in this morning and the first thing that happens? My mentally-disabled coworker apparently threw me under the bus in her "meeting" on the sixth by saying that I NEVER HELP HER OR EXPLAIN THINGS OR ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS FOR HER.

I wasn't angry, I'm still not, just mostly baffled! I know that she was lashing out, because she's afraid and doesn't really understand anything that's going on, and because it's a defense mechanism. But at the same time, JESUS, I hope when she was spouting those lies that the people hearing them were considering the source!

Already people who've heard about it are jumping to my defense, and angry on my behalf because I wasn't even here last week to defend myself. And there's been serious mishandling by the manager so far anyway, according to several people. I'm just - GAH. I need a different workplace, and I need it, like, yesterday.

I may start looking on other hospitals' websites for job postings, I don't know. There's certainly nothing in my own hospital, nor would I ever want to have to deal with this manager again. I'm so...fuck, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. It's not anger, it's not hate, it's not hurt...it's like a mixture of the three, but not even simmering. I'm...I am weary. I'm only 32 years old. I shouldn't be feeling like it's time to retire...and I just got back from vacation, for shit's sake.

First a four hour trip to the emergency room, now a ruined cake for hubby's birthday tomorrow.

I am SO. PISSED.

I don't really have much to say. I just haven't been here much lately - wait. Strike that, reverse it...I haven't been ABLE to be here much lately.

( Whining and moaning ahead - feel free to ignore. )

And now I feel guilty for bitching. Sorry. I'm going to go to bed now and try to sleep off the headache I just inflicted on myself.

For all my pathetic selfishness, I do hope you're all doing well. *hugs*

Meh.

I am so tired, it's ridiculous. Today was my tenth straight day at work, and it's really beginning to wear on me...

But on the bright side, we've only got about three million dollars left to post...unfortunately, that three million is spread out among 4000 more pages of remits...

And I'm feeling...down. Melancholy. Not even...I'm not sad or upset or angry. But I'm tired and bored. And vaguely unhappy. This is unusual for me.

Mikey's got bowling again tonight, so we'll see how that goes.

( And Sarah! )

ETA: Mikey bowled again, and did even worse this week. But at least he didn't smash anything or trip over the ledge. His first game was a 28, his second was an 18. He gets frustrated when they keep going in the gutter.

He's not got much power behind his swing, and he's got this wicked slice. So he'll throw it, and if it doesn't go right into the gutter, it goes perfectly straight and looks like he'll get something, but then veers off to the left at the last second and gutters out.

Poor kid. Although he DID get two strikes today. Okay, one was a spare (all ten pins on his second throw), but still...definitely a thrill for him.