Jun. 21st, 2012 12:33 pm
psyche29: A brown eye with rainbow eyeliner all around it (harder to breathe)
It's probably not a good thing when a combination of events at work end up with you having a minor meltdown at your desk. Right?

Work Woes.

Jun. 20th, 2012 04:32 pm
psyche29: Marvin the Martian, arms crossed with text "very angry indeed" (very angry indeed)
I hate my job.

Stop, rephrase. I hate what my job has become.

It's been a while since I bitched about work, so I might as well dive back in while my frustration is raging, right?

Everything has been fucked up and busy as hell since, oh, the last time I posted about work. Which was, admittedly, last year. Nothing got any better, and then someone decided to merge the professional billing with the hospital billing WITH ONLY THREE MONTHS WORTH OF PLANNING.

Which, of course, fucked everything into a billion more pieces than it already was, so you can imagine the headaches in this place.

My dipshit coworker finally retired at the end of April, but did literally NO* work the whole last week, and of course the only other person who knew how to do it was me.

Then they moved cash application down to yet another new manager and supervisor, and these ones, we've discovered, are micro-managers. We've been on our own for the better part of eight years, and suddenly we're under what feels like a microscope.

"You should only be taking two minutes in the bathroom."

"You need to fill out this stat sheet every single day."

"You need to log how many phone calls you get and how long each one takes."

And a bunch of other piddly things that while they do add up, it takes me fifteen to thirty minutes just to do the motherfucking recording of all this shit, and then they ask, "What took you this half hour?" and "You were gone from your desk for four minutes, what were you doing?" Well Jesus Christ on motherfucking stilts, calculating all that shit took half an hour alone! And I was in the bathroom for four minutes; if you can do it in two, then don't touch me or anything on my desk because you aren't cleaning yourself or your hands properly. Two minutes. It takes thirty seconds to walk there and another thirty to walk back, I cannot pee that fast, SUE ME. Fuckers.

I've been trying to train people and so I'm pulled away from my desk just as much as before, yet they're unable to see that it cuts into the time I should be able to use for actually posting the damn cash. It's like I'm back to the first couple years with my first supervisor here, and I am just about ready to tell them to fuck themselves running. Like, literally - just leave all of this stuff to them. They have NO idea what's untouched yet, because I can't get past this other shit Asshole McBastardPants left. It's a vicious cycle and there's just no end in sight.

I have been trying to be open minded about things because I know I resist change like nobody's business (Look, I just think you should make it perfectly clear - preferably with examples/proof - that the changes will make things better and smoother and not be a pain in everyone's collective damn ass, okay?), but I've given it over a month now and it should have gotten better but hasn't.

Impatient? Me? Damn skippy.


*No, seriously, he did NOTHING the whole last week. He ignored everything that came up that was his, walked around and chatted with people, made appointments to talk to people in HR and was basically everywhere but his desk. When his ass actually managed to find his desk chair, he only took small piles of work THAT HE'D ALREADY DONE and pretended to look them up so it looked like he was working. I WATCHED HIM DO THIS. It wasn't surprising, really, but at the same time, just-. WTF.
psyche29: A brown eye with rainbow eyeliner all around it (what addiction)
I haven't seen it yet. I want to, but at the same time...I am filled with trepidation.

Harry has been such a huge part of my life. I can't even imagine how dull and dreary my life would have been all these years had I not read these incredible books, met these incredible people and become friends with so many of them. I would certainly be more narrow-minded without this - without this saga, without these friends, both fictional and not.

Still - every commercial, every preview for this last installment makes my heart hang heavy in my chest. A lump forms in my throat and my eyes sting. I'll probably put off seeing it for a little while; I can't force myself into something my heart is currently flailing so hard against.

And too, I don't want to let go of this magic, this world. I have this fear that to do so would drain away the vibrancy of life. Irrational, yes, but-. I'm just...sad.
psyche29: pale green background with text "i need to be drunker" (drunker)
Our credit union denied us.

Our loan for our now-smashed car is with someone else, but one, they won't approve a second loan while one is already open, even though it's noted that they've sent paperwork to the insurance company and are waiting for a check, and two, according to their website which is where you have to go because they won't answer any questions on the phone, you HAVE to be borrowing a minimum of $7500.00. We only need - at most - $6400.00. And three, it has to be 7 years old or newer (barely skimming the line there) and under 70K miles (116.5K). Go fucking figure.

I called the dealer and left a message, asking if they have any better news for me. If not, then we don't have a car, and don't have a way to get more than some unreliable piece of shit that you probably wouldn't put your pet in, much less your family.

It's difficult to be positive when everything just conspires against you.

Good news? Asshole (who is 100% at fault per three witnesses and the police report) has insurance, and they have to pay for a rental for us for as long as we need it.

It's looking like it might be a long time.
psyche29: A brown eye with rainbow eyeliner all around it (harder to breathe)
So OK, I'm just hyperventilating a little while I wait for this phone call.

Cut for story of woe and maybe a little bit of hope. )

I feel like a never-ending story of tragedy - I really have to post about positive things once in a while. I'll work on it. :)
psyche29: pale green background with text "i need to be drunker" (drunker)
So, first things first:

I wish all the best for each of you this year!

And now with that said, as far as I'm concerned, 2011 can JUST GO FUCK ITSELF.

Some of you already know about my year so far, but most of you don't, so here, quick recap:

New Year's Eve was rung in with me in bed with a moaning and groaning, tummy-achy Boychild. He was puking and couldn't do a number 2, and didn't want anything touching his belly. We thought it was very similar to his stomach flu last April, and called the nurse line on Saturday morning (New Year's Day) to get an opinion. They told us to go to the Children's hospital to the ER because it might be appendicitis.

Sure enough, Boychild had his appendix out that evening - and apparently, so did my aunt. How weird is that?!

Anyway, we spent that night in the hospital, went home the next day. Kept him home Monday, and Tuesday, and were back in the ER Tuesday night because he was having pain that wasn't getting better. After six hours or so, some pee in a cup, some Xrays and a few CAT scans, everything was normal and we went back home. Stayed home with him again Wednesday.

Over those few days, a nasty cold was developing for me, and while we sent Boychild back to school on Thursday, I stayed home because I was feverish and lightheaded from all the coughing. Managed two hours of work on Friday before being ordered home by the manager.

Felt better Saturday. Had some fabulously authentic El Salvador cuisine for lunch, enjoyed some time bumming around a bit. Got the ingredients I was missing for making chorag (Armenian tea bread) - which turned out gorgeously for a first attempt on Sunday, thankyouverymuch - and just generally had a really nice day on Saturday till 7:30 PM, when MY WALLET WAS STOLEN.

We actually don't know if it fell out of my coat pocket and someone found it or if it was actually grabbed from my pocket, but-.

They cleaned out our bank account over the course of Saturday evening and Sunday (yesterday). Apparently, I didn't really think people could be so carelessly indecent, which is why I'm so, so upset over this.

Canceled the check card Sunday morning and filed a police report, went through the motions.

So anyway, went to the bank this morning right when it opened, and they've been very good to us. Started the process, reversed all the charges and resulting overdraft fees; they'll also keep an eye on still-pending transactions for us, and the girl gave us her card and told us to also keep our eyes on it and let her know anything that seems off.

In the Small Favors department, my Social Security card was NOT in there, and we didn't have credit cards in there. Some debit cards, but they all require a PIN to be used, and the PIN isn't written anywhere. Canceled them anyway to be sure, but am reasonably certain they'd be useless.

Have to go get a new ID this coming weekend, and still call the library, among other places.

Our Relative Custody Assistance check was in my wallet, too, so hopefully the idiots didn't try cashing it; we'll have to get it reissued. And of course, the one person I need to talk to about it hasn't bothered to return my call yet.

My head wants to explode. And dammit, I LIKED that wallet.

I've said it once and I will say it again: PEOPLE are my pet peeve.

It's been a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad YEAR. I think I'll move to Australia.
psyche29: A brown eye with rainbow eyeliner all around it (care so little)
My heart. It is shriveling. It will be three sizes too small soon; this woman is killing my soul. I want so, so badly to walk out. I can't, because I have nothing else to which I may go, and a family to support.

Monday, please hurry, and please bring the customer service job posting with you. Customer service supervisor, I love you - please pick me. And quickly. My brain and heart might give up otherwise. They almost don't give a shit. Seriously. Hurry.

Wow, only 7 days to go till this is done:

Day 23 – Something That Makes You Feel Better )

The 30-Day Meme List )

And I forgot my cotton swabs today. Boo, my ears hurt.
psyche29: little girl watching something with an uncertain look on her face (mary secret garden)
So OMGWTF are people smoking?! Like, seriously. I get in this morning and the first thing that happens? My mentally-disabled coworker apparently threw me under the bus in her "meeting" on the sixth by saying that I NEVER HELP HER OR EXPLAIN THINGS OR ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS FOR HER.

I wasn't angry, I'm still not, just mostly baffled! I know that she was lashing out, because she's afraid and doesn't really understand anything that's going on, and because it's a defense mechanism. But at the same time, JESUS, I hope when she was spouting those lies that the people hearing them were considering the source!

Already people who've heard about it are jumping to my defense, and angry on my behalf because I wasn't even here last week to defend myself. And there's been serious mishandling by the manager so far anyway, according to several people. I'm just - GAH. I need a different workplace, and I need it, like, yesterday.

I may start looking on other hospitals' websites for job postings, I don't know. There's certainly nothing in my own hospital, nor would I ever want to have to deal with this manager again. I'm so...fuck, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. It's not anger, it's not hate, it's not's like a mixture of the three, but not even simmering. I'm...I am weary. I'm only 32 years old. I shouldn't be feeling like it's time to retire...and I just got back from vacation, for shit's sake.
psyche29: little girl watching something with an uncertain look on her face (mary secret garden)
Talked to Mom this morning. She said she talked to Dad and they're going to do the test in two parts, so they'll keep him again tonight. She wanted to know if we were going to see him later, and if so, could we pick her up and take her along so she doesn't have to ask Steve again.

Of course we can, and we decided we WILL go to visit him, so of course we'll fetch her on the way, we know how she is about driving.

But at the same time, JESUS, Mom - I don't like to drive, either, but I CAN DO IT IF I HAVE TO. *rolls eyes*

This is just making her a basket case.

Well. More of a basket case than usual, anyway.

It makes me think of everything I'll have to take on should Bad Things Happen, which makes me feel selfish, but EXHAUSTED with the sheer enormity of it. I don't even know if I can coherently explain everything that would go into that kind of disaster. Just know that it would be Huge and Not Good.
psyche29: pale green background with text "i need to be drunker" (drunker)
First a four hour trip to the emergency room, now a ruined cake for hubby's birthday tomorrow.

psyche29: A brown eye with rainbow eyeliner all around it (should have loved me)
Mary's birthday was January 28, and she never bothered to acknowledge the birthday wishes I sent, either via email or FB. Although on FB, it wasn't just me who got ignored, she simply didn't page back. I finally deleted her from my Yahoo chat the other day. I'm deleting her from my MSN chat tonight when I get home, and I am gearing myself up to delete her from my FB - she so obviously doesn't wish to acknowledge me.

I don't know why I'm so offended by her desertion - I should be bloody used to it, it happens with nearly everybody in my life at some point.

It's harder to let her go, I guess, because I don't believe she intended for it to be like this. I think that thinking about it makes her sad and ashamed and depressed that she dropped me like that, and just makes it that much harder for her to actually talk to me. But when it comes right down to it, she did it, and I can only take so much. You know?

If I was important to her, she should have fought harder. She should have loved me.
psyche29: little girl watching something with an uncertain look on her face (mary secret garden)
I don't really have much to say. I just haven't been here much lately - wait. Strike that, reverse it...I haven't been ABLE to be here much lately.

Whining and moaning ahead - feel free to ignore. )

And now I feel guilty for bitching. Sorry. I'm going to go to bed now and try to sleep off the headache I just inflicted on myself.

For all my pathetic selfishness, I do hope you're all doing well. *hugs*
psyche29: A brown eye with rainbow eyeliner all around it (harder to breathe)
The short, short version:

I live in my childhood home. It's me, hubby, Mikey, my mom, my dad, and two sisters.

Matt, Mikey and I were fine in an apartment. We moved to the house because Mom hasn't worked since Billy Graham relocated to North Carolina and Dad was struggling to make the mortgage payment. By moving in, we added $700 a month to his income so he wouldn't lose the house.

Then he was laid off from his work, what, two years ago, now? Maybe it's just over one year...

Anyway, he STILL hasn't found a job, doing taxes for H&R Blockhead a third of the year isn't very much, and he's been unable to make the mortgage payments, even with our rent, because he's trying to keep up on other bills.

So a realtor is coming today to talk with him about something about some kind of sale where he's got twelve months to pay off what's owed or the house is no longer his.

When did I learn of this?

Today, when Amanda called because she found something I'd been looking for in the course of tidying the living room.

So now instead of working, I'm ranting here because I'm so, so upset that no one bloody TELLS me anything I might need to know - you know, like, "Oh, you should start looking for someplace else to live," and when I'm done posting this, I'll be busy checking out apartments in our area.

And you know what's even worse? That is the only house, the only place I consider home. I LOVE that house, that neighborhood, that area, I grew up there. And they all know it.

And no one told me.

God, help me.
psyche29: A brown eye with rainbow eyeliner all around it (return of my King)
Ever had one of those days where everything seems to just fall in on you all at once?


May. 2nd, 2007 06:22 pm
psyche29: A brown eye with rainbow eyeliner all around it (harder)

I am so tired, it's ridiculous. Today was my tenth straight day at work, and it's really beginning to wear on me...

But on the bright side, we've only got about three million dollars left to post...unfortunately, that three million is spread out among 4000 more pages of remits...

And I'm feeling...down. Melancholy. Not even...I'm not sad or upset or angry. But I'm tired and bored. And vaguely unhappy. This is unusual for me.

Mikey's got bowling again tonight, so we'll see how that goes.

And Sarah! )

ETA: Mikey bowled again, and did even worse this week. But at least he didn't smash anything or trip over the ledge. His first game was a 28, his second was an 18. He gets frustrated when they keep going in the gutter.

He's not got much power behind his swing, and he's got this wicked slice. So he'll throw it, and if it doesn't go right into the gutter, it goes perfectly straight and looks like he'll get something, but then veers off to the left at the last second and gutters out.

Poor kid. Although he DID get two strikes today. Okay, one was a spare (all ten pins on his second throw), but still...definitely a thrill for him.


psyche29: A brown eye with rainbow eyeliner all around it (Default)

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