psyche29: Marvin the Martian, arms crossed with text "very angry indeed" (very angry indeed)
[personal profile] psyche29
I know I haven't posted in weeks, and I'm sorry that this one is going to be bitchy. I promise to come back on the weekend and post some pictures and general life stuff.

My head is just broken. I am kind of functioning on remote pilot, here.

My manager has had me wasting time on a project that there's already a team in place for, but she didn't bother to find that out, she just assigned me to do all this stuff and "take charge of this project to clean out storage before the end of the year." So I've been running around for the last week, pestering anyone I can find - because every damned manager (except my cursed one) in the place is always in a meeting somewhere - for answers to questions, printing crap out, and trying to wrap my head around the logistics of this nightmare of a project. Then today, when I FINALLY corner the one manager I needed from the start, I get told that I shouldn't be doing this because there's already a four-person team working on this and I should be working only on corporate accounts and my manager didn't bother to check her facts.

The manager telling me this also has a headache, I can see it in her eyes, and she even apologized and said that she knew she sounded like she was scolding me and taking her anger for my manager out on me, but that she didn't mean for it to be aimed at me.

So I forgive her, but Jesus Christ on stilts, I'm still feeling scolded, like I'm supposed to walk around this place with my tail between my legs because my manager is a brainless bint.

And in my last post, I mentioned having an interview with the Contact Center. I had it on October 20th, and was told at the time that I would hear yea or nay by October 29th. I sent an email a couple days after the interview to thank the lady for interviewing me and to say I looked forward to hearing from her, regardless of the outcome. By the time November 5 rolled around, I figured I hadn't gotten it but sent an email to the Employment Specialist in HR to ask for an update anyway, because I'd heard absolutely nothing. She said she'd check with the manager and get back to me ASAP.

I finally sent another email on Tuesday this week to prod her again, and eventually got an email back last night saying, "I spoke with [the hiring supervisor] this morning regarding the status of your interview with her for the Contact Center Agent and she has decided to move on with the more experience applicants specifically those who have worked in clinical settings."

Oh, that's nice.


SERIOUSLY?! I had to send two fucking emails over the course of a month just to find out for certain that I didn't get the job, and it's because she wants people with more clinical experience than I've got, when I am perfectly well aware that she hired the wife of one of my coworkers, who doesn't have any medical setting experience whatsoever, who has been a stay-at-home mom for the last several years and did not answer phones before that?!

This place is going to fucking kill me.

I dread getting up in the morning because it means I have to come here. Coming here means eight and a half hours of listening to that woman create problems and act like she knows everything about everything when she doesn't know the first thing about anything. Coming here means being told I'm not being a "team player" when I tell someone I'm unable to do something BECAUSE MY ACCESS DOESN'T GRANT ME THE ABILITY. Coming here means KNOWING MOST OF THE THINGS and being unable to help anybody at all because my manager doesn't want me interrupted, "I can handle it for you," then keeping my mouth shut while having to listen to her GIVE THE WRONG ANSWER. Coming here means wasting my time on things that people don't bother to get all the facts on before assigning. Coming here means putting up with coworkers who couldn't remember how to do what you've taught them - DOZENS OF TIMES - without constant refreshers. Coming here means I can't be out looking for something better because I'm the sole source of income for three people. Coming here means shivering at my desk all day because we're not allowed to turn up the thermostat, nor to have heaters under our desks, but the manager has one in her office under her desk because she ignores the rules while she's creating the problems. Coming here means smelling alcohol on a coworker's breath, and knowing that reporting it would have no effect because he's been reported before - several times over several years, the last being this past May - but still somehow has nothing happen to him.

I know I need to find something else, somewhere else, but every single place I could go wants a degree I'm not willing to work for - or able to spend money on - and/or they want previous experience that I don't have and CAN'T get because no one will God-damned GIVE ME ANY. It's a self-perpetuating circle of rejection, and the job market itself is no help these days because there's hardly anything available to begin with. And to top it all off, I have eleven years invested in this hellhole. No place else can match the benefits I get or the time off I've accumulated, so it's almost not worth it in the end.

My lips are bitten raw (I've been trying to stop), my head seems to be in a constant state of pounding (sometimes it's not painful at all, but it's there), and my period? Well. For someone who's had heavy, gross periods for all her period-having life, the last few months have been pretty baffling. I haven't had more than your run-of-the-mill spotting since my last regular period...which was in JULY (and before you ask, trust me - I'm not pregnant).

This place is ruining my sanity, but I just don't see any options.

I started this post absolutely livid and ready to cry, but I've run out of steam. It's so useless to bother; nothing changes, and there are no opportunities for change (that I can responsibly consider, anyway).

Sigh. I could use some hugs and a couple days on the sofa with some movies and girlfriends. It's OK to bitch about not having that available to me, right? :(
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psyche29: A brown eye with rainbow eyeliner all around it (Default)

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