Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That

Okay, so.

I am feeling stupid and useless and sheepish and embarrassed about this. I shouldn't, it's not my fault, it's not his fault, blah blah blah, but--.

Does anybody have any knowledge or suggestions or experience or opinions with getting a child tested for possible mental or emotional disorders?

I am--. I don't even know how to explain. I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

Boychild is fourteen years old, but there is so very little he does that makes me think he is developing normally. Hubby is finally starting to see my point, and I just. I don't know what to do. Do I take him to his regular doctor first? It's not physical, but does that matter? I am just at a loss.

This kid cannot ever answer a question with more than "I don't know" or "Meh" and a shrug. When we ask him what he's thinking, he is at a loss for words and cannot tell us. He hates reading, sincerely believes we are punishing him when we expect him to do so, but swears up one side and down the other that reading is not hard for him. He cannot understand vocabulary that I know eight-year-olds can grasp (he had to ask today what "extra-mild" meant!!!!), and his social skills are on par with kindergarteners.

I love that he is a fairly happy kid, but he is FOURTEEN, not six!! I love that he is not embarrassed to be seen with us and that he is affectionate and loving, but he thinks it is appropriate to group hug in the middle of a grocery store aisle and giggles like a lunatic when we try to inform him seriously that now is not the time. Which, of course, makes me feel like a slug. BUT FOURTEEN!!!

He repeatedly tells the same jokes over and over again, long after everyone is sick and tired of hearing them, and never grasps that no one is laughing anymore. Then he gets upset when someone tells him it's not funny anymore and says that no one ever thinks he's funny! I don't get it!

We still have to tell him - every single morning - that he must put on deodorant. He has needed to do so since he was nine. Should he not be doing it on his own by now? We have to remind him, and then he does it extremely grudgingly. He likes showers, but has never once taken one of his own volition. We have to tell him to do so, and he sighs like we're expecting him to bring us the moon. He seems perfectly happy being filthy. How is that even remotely normal for a teenage boy?

He continues to do things we've repeatedly asked him not to do, and laughs like it's hilarious when we get upset that he's doing it again.

I feel so angry with him all the time, and I hate it so much. But I feel that this goes so far beyond my own impatience. There is something so very, very wrong, and I don't know where to start looking for help. Looking at the criteria list for ADD and ADHD, I think that he doesn't hit the ADHD requirements, but he does hit every. single. item. on the ADD list, but I just don't think that explains everything.

So. Please. Tell me your thoughts. Tell me your experiences if applicable, and your ideas and suggestions. I am starting to think that we must be unfit parents. I'm not looking for reassurance or accolades or anything like that, just-. I am so not equipped for this. Help us. Please. If he needs help, I want to get it for him. I just don't know how.

I hate my job.

Stop, rephrase. I hate what my job has become.

It's been a while since I bitched about work, so I might as well dive back in while my frustration is raging, right?

Everything has been fucked up and busy as hell since, oh, the last time I posted about work. Which was, admittedly, last year. Nothing got any better, and then someone decided to merge the professional billing with the hospital billing WITH ONLY THREE MONTHS WORTH OF PLANNING.

Which, of course, fucked everything into a billion more pieces than it already was, so you can imagine the headaches in this place.

My dipshit coworker finally retired at the end of April, but did literally NO* work the whole last week, and of course the only other person who knew how to do it was me.

Then they moved cash application down to yet another new manager and supervisor, and these ones, we've discovered, are micro-managers. We've been on our own for the better part of eight years, and suddenly we're under what feels like a microscope.

"You should only be taking two minutes in the bathroom."

"You need to fill out this stat sheet every single day."

"You need to log how many phone calls you get and how long each one takes."

And a bunch of other piddly things that while they do add up, it takes me fifteen to thirty minutes just to do the motherfucking recording of all this shit, and then they ask, "What took you this half hour?" and "You were gone from your desk for four minutes, what were you doing?" Well Jesus Christ on motherfucking stilts, calculating all that shit took half an hour alone! And I was in the bathroom for four minutes; if you can do it in two, then don't touch me or anything on my desk because you aren't cleaning yourself or your hands properly. Two minutes. It takes thirty seconds to walk there and another thirty to walk back, I cannot pee that fast, SUE ME. Fuckers.

I've been trying to train people and so I'm pulled away from my desk just as much as before, yet they're unable to see that it cuts into the time I should be able to use for actually posting the damn cash. It's like I'm back to the first couple years with my first supervisor here, and I am just about ready to tell them to fuck themselves running. Like, literally - just leave all of this stuff to them. They have NO idea what's untouched yet, because I can't get past this other shit Asshole McBastardPants left. It's a vicious cycle and there's just no end in sight.

I have been trying to be open minded about things because I know I resist change like nobody's business (Look, I just think you should make it perfectly clear - preferably with examples/proof - that the changes will make things better and smoother and not be a pain in everyone's collective damn ass, okay?), but I've given it over a month now and it should have gotten better but hasn't.

Impatient? Me? Damn skippy.

Sigh.

*No, seriously, he did NOTHING the whole last week. He ignored everything that came up that was his, walked around and chatted with people, made appointments to talk to people in HR and was basically everywhere but his desk. When his ass actually managed to find his desk chair, he only took small piles of work THAT HE'D ALREADY DONE and pretended to look them up so it looked like he was working. I WATCHED HIM DO THIS. It wasn't surprising, really, but at the same time, just-. WTF.

Our credit union denied us.

Our loan for our now-smashed car is with someone else, but one, they won't approve a second loan while one is already open, even though it's noted that they've sent paperwork to the insurance company and are waiting for a check, and two, according to their website which is where you have to go because they won't answer any questions on the phone, you HAVE to be borrowing a minimum of $7500.00. We only need - at most - $6400.00. And three, it has to be 7 years old or newer (barely skimming the line there) and under 70K miles (116.5K). Go fucking figure.

I called the dealer and left a message, asking if they have any better news for me. If not, then we don't have a car, and don't have a way to get more than some unreliable piece of shit that you probably wouldn't put your pet in, much less your family.

It's difficult to be positive when everything just conspires against you.

Good news? Asshole (who is 100% at fault per three witnesses and the police report) has insurance, and they have to pay for a rental for us for as long as we need it.

It's looking like it might be a long time.

So, first things first:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I wish all the best for each of you this year!

And now with that said, as far as I'm concerned, 2011 can JUST GO FUCK ITSELF.

Some of you already know about my year so far, but most of you don't, so here, quick recap:

New Year's Eve was rung in with me in bed with a moaning and groaning, tummy-achy Boychild. He was puking and couldn't do a number 2, and didn't want anything touching his belly. We thought it was very similar to his stomach flu last April, and called the nurse line on Saturday morning (New Year's Day) to get an opinion. They told us to go to the Children's hospital to the ER because it might be appendicitis.

Sure enough, Boychild had his appendix out that evening - and apparently, so did my aunt. How weird is that?!

Anyway, we spent that night in the hospital, went home the next day. Kept him home Monday, and Tuesday, and were back in the ER Tuesday night because he was having pain that wasn't getting better. After six hours or so, some pee in a cup, some Xrays and a few CAT scans, everything was normal and we went back home. Stayed home with him again Wednesday.

Over those few days, a nasty cold was developing for me, and while we sent Boychild back to school on Thursday, I stayed home because I was feverish and lightheaded from all the coughing. Managed two hours of work on Friday before being ordered home by the manager.

Felt better Saturday. Had some fabulously authentic El Salvador cuisine for lunch, enjoyed some time bumming around a bit. Got the ingredients I was missing for making chorag (Armenian tea bread) - which turned out gorgeously for a first attempt on Sunday, thankyouverymuch - and just generally had a really nice day on Saturday till 7:30 PM, when MY WALLET WAS STOLEN.

We actually don't know if it fell out of my coat pocket and someone found it or if it was actually grabbed from my pocket, but-.

They cleaned out our bank account over the course of Saturday evening and Sunday (yesterday). Apparently, I didn't really think people could be so carelessly indecent, which is why I'm so, so upset over this.

Canceled the check card Sunday morning and filed a police report, went through the motions.

So anyway, went to the bank this morning right when it opened, and they've been very good to us. Started the process, reversed all the charges and resulting overdraft fees; they'll also keep an eye on still-pending transactions for us, and the girl gave us her card and told us to also keep our eyes on it and let her know anything that seems off.

In the Small Favors department, my Social Security card was NOT in there, and we didn't have credit cards in there. Some debit cards, but they all require a PIN to be used, and the PIN isn't written anywhere. Canceled them anyway to be sure, but am reasonably certain they'd be useless.

Have to go get a new ID this coming weekend, and still call the library, among other places.

Our Relative Custody Assistance check was in my wallet, too, so hopefully the idiots didn't try cashing it; we'll have to get it reissued. And of course, the one person I need to talk to about it hasn't bothered to return my call yet.

My head wants to explode. And dammit, I LIKED that wallet.

I've said it once and I will say it again: PEOPLE are my pet peeve.

It's been a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad YEAR. I think I'll move to Australia.

1. I have an interview in the Contact Center tomorrow. Please send good vibes and/or thoughts, say prayers, make small sacrifices, do a little dance, whatever - I need to get out of here, and I need to do it about eight months ago.

2. Seriously, I am so done with this woman. I keep bitching about it, but my brain is absolutely breaking. I want to go curl up in a corner and just cry.

3. I've just been forced to move to a very small desk - there is no room here, and there's still a few things to bring over here, including a printer. I'm already saying my four favorite words. Fuckers - why does no one believe me till it's too late? I am always right about these things.

4. I've spent the last two days with my headset on and earbuds jammed in my ears so I don't have to listen to her grating, poorly-communicated voice. HAAAAAAAATTTTTEEEEEEEE......

5. We go out of town on Thursday, and don't come back till Sunday. I can't wait - I love going up north and just getting away from everything.

I've had lots of thoughts the last few days, but they're kind of jumbled together in one big mess in my head. Attempting to unravel, then:

1. Everyone should read this: Own Your Awesome. Just go, read it.

2. Diana Gabaldon on fanfic. Seriously?! Her stuff is hardly worth the effort it takes to get out the door to go find it, for shit's sake. She's since issued another post, but it's a useless bit of internet, if you ask me.

3. I was feeling queasy this morning. I still am a little bit, but at least it's better right now. I really think I need to work on what and how much I eat every day, because this is getting ridiculous.

4. We registered the boychild for a summer camp. He goes in July for a week, about 2 hours north of here. It's a Christian camp, but more on par with what we were hoping for, AND it's $245 (as opposed to the asinine $400 and up being charged elsewhere). I still think $245 is pretty ridiculous (that's STILL more than we spend on groceries in a month!), but it's MUCH easier to swallow.

5. We found a church we're going to try this Sunday. Thoughts will be forthcoming.

6. Dear Coworker:

Every single time we schedule a training session, you agree to it, then are gone or schedule a doctor appointment for the same time and don't bother to tell me. I am sick to death of your stupid, selfish games and the union isn't going to protect you much longer when you keep abusing every privilege you have.

My patience with you is absolutely gone, and you are very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very times INFINITY lucky that I need this job, or I would have slapped you silly a long, long, long, long, LONG TIME AGO.

Get over yourself, stop behaving like you're a victim and STAY AWAY FROM ME, because I have HAD IT.

No love - not even any LIKE -
The One With Whom You Really Should Have Made An Effort

P.S. Oh, and our mutual supervisor and manager? They're on MY side, you ignorant cow.

7. I can't even begin to explain all the things that make the aforementioned coworker an absolute NIGHTMARE to work with! My tolerance level is shockingly low to begin with, and she's so far beyond it, I can't even look at her without rage just burning a hole through my brain.

8. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called Everybody, and they meet at the bar. DREW CAREY.

9. Yesterday was Star Wars Day - May the Fourth be with you! *LMAO* I know I'm late with it, but all the same-. ;)

10. I should probably have put all this behind a cut, but I just can't be arsed today. Sorry. I still love you all. ♥

First a four hour trip to the emergency room, now a ruined cake for hubby's birthday tomorrow.

I am SO. PISSED.

I've had it at work. I don't give a shit anymore; I'm just going to do my job and then go the hell home. I'm tired of being talked over, of being told by the new manager that she understands my point when she won't even let me finish making it. I've had about enough of being asked the same question over and over; I don't make a habit of lying about my work, about what I say I'll do, as anyone here will tell her, as many HAVE told her.

There was a quarterly finance meeting yesterday for all the managers, and according to Victoria in our meeting this morning, she felt bad because all the other managers were bragging about their staff and she couldn't brag about us. There was nothing big or spectacular to brag about, so she didn't say anything.

I tried telling her that in my position, we don't have an opportunity for the kind of spectacular thing she's wanting; all we can do is our jobs, within the assigned time frame - there is nothing we can do that would be considered HUGE and brag-worthy because it would just be part of our job. She was talking over me before I finished, telling me she knew what I meant. Karen, in refunds, has been doing a two person job by herself for two months and keeping up with it just fine, which eliminates the need to hire another full-time employee to replace the one who'd retired, and therefore saves money. Me and my cashiers are posting money faster than ever before. You know what she said? I shit you not, she said, verbatim: "That's not good enough. It has to be something big. Do something huge so I can brag next March."

I am so not kidding; those were her exact words.

There's a pilot program going on right now with IT; one of our better IT guys is training a few people within each unit to be "superusers," the first point-off people when others are having computer problems. So much time is wasted by IT for little things like cords coming loose, restarting a computer, etc., and by having a few designated people on each unit to kind of triage issues, a lot of calls to the help desk will be eliminated and lots of time and resources saved, not to mention money. I'm one of the superusers, and five others. She started talking about it, and got one fact wrong, misexplained the rest of it, then failed to pass on the information they all needed to know. I tried to bring it up again, and she began talking over me again!

I don't even know why I bother anymore. I give up entirely. I tried being open-minded, I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt, I think I have been ridiculously understanding. I was supposed to have a one-on-one with her today, but I didn't bother going. There's nothing she can do for me, especially when she has never once let me finish a fucking sentence. I am done.

On a separate yet related note, who knows how to write a resumé that can make something out of nothing? Because that's where I get hung up, and I am at the point where I just want someone to write it for me.

A winning lottery ticket would also suffice. Just sayin'.

1. I am LOVING autumn so far. I love the cooler weather, the turning leaves, the warm colors and the fabulous smells.



I had to show her off, she's so beautiful. Made for me on request by xsprite at nightbreeze_gfx. I may ask her to make me a few more for the other seasons!

Anyway, HAPPY AUTUMN to my co-Northern-Hemisphere peeps! (I don't think I HAVE any Southern Hemisphere peeps, but I figured I better differentiate, just in case.) *hee*

2. Mikey's doing so well in school this year! No behavior issues so far, AND he's keeping a B+ average. Way cool.

3. Just renewed both Oblivion and The Stillest Day (Josephine Hart) at the library; OT takes away a lot of good reading time, unfortunately. I also put holds on five other books. They are A Game of Thrones (George R.R. Martin), The Stolen Child (Keith Donohue), Letter to a Christian Nation (Sam Harris), The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho) and A Wrinkle In Time (Madeleine L'Engle).

4. While typing this, Mikey JUST broke his glasses. He needs new ones anyway, but DAMMIT, THAT WAS HIS ONLY. PAIR. GOD, I don't get this kid sometimes. I was NEVER like this. What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't he listen and be careful? Rhetorical questions, no need to answer them. I know I wasn't any shade of "normal" as a kid. It's just so frustrating. I'm just shaking with anger, I can't even talk to him right now. God, I'm a horrible mom.

Matt's got to make a special trip now to go get some super glue, because tape isn't working. Jesus, he broke them right in the middle, like Harry's glasses in PS.

5. I think I have a temper problem. I've noticed it gets worse as I get older. I just want people to fucking listen to me and do what I damn well tell them to do. The first time, and immediately. I understand if they're in the middle of something, but for the love of God, if I tell you to be careful and not to do something, then acknowledge that you understood me, and prove it - BE CAREFUL AND DON'T DO THAT THING! HOW FUCKING DIFFICULT IS IT?

Sorry. [/TANTRUM].

6. Going to the 3D "Toy Story" double feature this coming Saturday. :) Can't wait.

7. Uhh... That must be it. I forget so many things recently. *sigh* How's everything with the rest of you, especially those I don't talk with too often?