Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That

Oh man, do I owe y'all an update.

Shit, I don't even know what my last post was. *goes to check*

Holy shit. I am so behind. So good news: no cancer in the chest.

Other than that, WHAT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

After that chest CT, I had my second chemo session (18 April). It went fine, same side effects as before except this time, I never felt better. I was back in the infusion center a week later (25 April) having lost 15 pounds due to severe dehydration. They pumped a litre of fluids into me, then sent me to the ER for another CT because my pulse was hovering around 140, though the labs all looked good.

CT showed nothing but possible inflammation, and they pumped another litre of fluids into me and sent me home.

Almost a week later (30 April), I was sent to the ER because I still felt like shit and wasn't really eating anything, couldn't stay awake. Turns out my port got a staph infection, which spread through my blood and into both my lungs and my heart. I spent a motherfucking week in the hospital, poked all day and night. They removed the port, did a TEE procedure (basically it's a camera shoved down the esophagus to get better pics of the heart - don't worry, I was sedated), and put me on this fairly powerful antibiotic called Nafcillin. It's hell on the peripheral veins - I ended up with four different IVs over the course of a week, and every one of the veins blew to some degree.

I am now on the same drug 24/7, IV via PICC line in my left arm. They said I have to be on it for 57 days, which is nearly two months. I'm almost a month down. I have a home health nurse in every Thursday to draw labs (off the PICC, thank deities), and the numbers are all finally starting to go in the right direction. Also, I was retaining a bunch of water, so my weight spiked back up, but as of today is back where it was before the second chemo session. My feet are still a bit swollen, the left more than the right, but they're going down.

I can't have chemo again until I'm off the antibiotic, and my oncologist wasn't comfortable with no intervention for that long, so I started radiation treatments this Tuesday. Once a day, M-F, for five weeks. Side effects have been effing killing me; the worst has been nausea/vomiting. I was queasy after the first treatment. Yesterday was number two, and immediately after I left the room, I went to the bathroom off the waiting room to #2 my guts out and ended up throwing up into the garbage by the toilet at the same time. I was queasy the rest of the day and night, even though I was taking the Compazine as prescribed. It just wasn't touching it.

This morning, we got into the car to go to session number three, and the minute I got in, I had to open the door back up and vomit on the ground. Saw the doc today as a touch base and told her I was having serious issues and the Compazine wasn't working. She made sure there was nothing else causing it, then prescribed me Zofran. We already picked it up and I took one, so we'll see if it does the trick.

The plan from here is to complete the radiation treatments (25 to go), get off the antibiotic, do another TEE to make sure the infection isn't still clinging to my heart, probably another CT to determine the same for my lungs, and then finish the last 4 cycles of chemo. With any semblance of luck, I should be done before October hits.

As part of all this, I haven't been given the OK to go back to work, so I've opened a short-term disability claim through work. I also filled out the PTO donation form, but have apparently only received about three hours of donations. Nice coworkers. *rolls eyes* Hopefully, the short-term claim will be approved, and we'll at least be in a better position to pay the damn bills.

Seriously, body. WTF is your PROBLEM?

In other news:

1. Baby sister is now married, and happy.

2. Middle sister had her fifth baby, a boy. They named him Nova Kai. As per tradition, I hate it. But at least he's cute.

3. Honorary baby sister (Baby sister's BFF) just had a possible-labor-at-seven-months scare, but she's okay. STAY IN THERE AND BAKE, LITTLE BUN! She's considered high risk, so they're taking ALLLLLL the precautions.

4. My parents come home tonight; they've been in CA with Middle sister and her family for the last month. They are THRILLED to be coming home, and we are equally thrilled to be getting them back!

5. Who can recommend flavorful drink things that don't have sugar or Aspartame in them? I need to watch it with full-sugar things due to diabetes, and most of the diet drinks contain Aspartame, which worsens diarrhea. And motherFUCKER, I hate water plain. I was using the pitcher packs you can get like Crystal Light (the Great Value brand, obv, we are not rich and some of the flavors are better), but it's got the sweetener in it and I am already suffering. Any ideas? PowerAde gets expensive, and obv diet soda also uses Aspartame. It's like my body is grinning while flicking me off and telling me to go perform impossible anatomical acts on myself. THIS IS WHY I CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! *thin scream of frustration*

Sorry - I know that got long. I hope y'all are having a better spring!!

Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call with the pathology report for the endometrial biopsy. There is "evidence of some cancer." Also in some tissue from the cervix, but they are confident the origin is the uterine lining.

Next steps include a consultation to review records and establish a plan of care, set for Friday, 8 February. It's ALLLLL gotta come out. (Which, frankly, hallelujah, holy shit, where's the Tylenol.)

I will need to be out 3-4 weeks minimum for recovery, and possibly up to 6 weeks, depending on how they need to go in and get it. Guess that PTO payout from the previous job will come in handy - good thing we shoved it into savings.

I am not overly stressed about this diagnosis. There is literally NOTHING I can do, so losing my mind will help nothing, and only agitate loved ones further. My stress revolves solely around how many fucking needles they will be sticking me with.

Feel free to chant, pray, make sacrifices, dance naked in your backyard - whatever you prefer. I expect nothing, and am honestly quite (possibly irrationally) annoyed by the reactions of a few people. I'm not adjusting well to the attention, and I'm half expecting some of it to turn out to be about how it makes OTHERS feel; in a few instances, that already seems to be the case. The one time you would think I'm supposed to just think about my own needs for once, and instead I'm putting out fires and calming down the emotions of others. I'm sorry my body decided to be sick? I gave it a vegetable last week, I don't know what happened? *rolls eyes*

Someone had the audacity to tell me that - wait, wait, I have to go get it verbatim - "What you eat can have a big impact on your health, so let me know if you want more information on nutrition as a way to combat disease." I-. What? It's CANCER. What the SHIT is that going to do at this point? I get that I am overweight, but how is this helpful at this point? Why would she assume I don't know this already, and why would she think that was the kind of thing I wanted or needed to hear? I neither want nor need nutrition information, you twit. I want and need science and medical expertise, and for people to just offer help and be done with it. I ask for very little help as it is, I promise you won't actually have to do anything for me if it might at all inconvenience you.

I have promises from management at work that they have zero intentions of firing me, as everyone is so damn pleased with my work in this position so far. Especially other departments, which is apparently a huge deal. Definitely a good thing, and I may be able to work from home as I feel up to it during recovery, IF I feel up to it. They like me, they really like me! *snorts out a laugh*

Anyway, there's my news, and my hard and sarcastic (cold and heartless?) point of view on top of it. Sorry. I'm apparently extra bitchy today. I realize that I might have been extra bitchy for two full weeks. It might last a while. I'm only kind of sorry. *shrugs*

I am flailing a bit at the thought of typing up All The Words. I haven't posted in ages, it seems - indeed, I am not even certain when my last post WAS. Summer. Probably.

Shall we see if I can sumarize?

1. Boychild started seventh grade and turned 13. Same curriculum, but new school, new approach to classes (he's got eight different ones and has to move between them, whereas in previous years it's been one teacher and mostly the same classroom). There has been much struggling, both for him and for us, and tears on both sides to prove it. Things are smoothing out some now, but it's going to be a work in progress.

( A little grainy, as I saved it from hubby's FB with my phone, sorry... )

2. Work is...better. I am still swamped, both overloaded and manager-admitted-underpaid, but-. Changes - big ones - are in the works. I just got my yearly review today, and it was actually really, really good. I was given more info than my other coworkers are being given because the manager is expecting bigger things from me. As a result, I feel very secure in my position, and am aware that doors will be opened in various ways soon, and all I have to do is step through them. I can be open minded, and he is aware that he'll need to give me details in some areas. I'm not feeling the need to seek employment elsewhere, so as far as I'm concerned, things are looking so much better than they were a year ago, even six months ago.

3. Dad had gastric bypass at the beginning of September. He's lost 70 pounds so far, has already lost several clothing sizes, is back into a belt he hasn't been able to use for five years, and is *this far* from being considered "no longer diabetic." This is a HUGE deal, and means that the surgery was really the right thing for him.

4. Sister number three (child number four of the five of us) went through extensive psychiatric testing over the last several months, and the results are in - she will never be able to hold down any kind of meaningful work, or be a functioning member or society. She will probably always live with my parents. While the diagnosis vexes me (I do not pretend to understand how depression or mental illness work), at least now she can apply for disability benefits and possibly bring in *something* to help with my parents' expenses.

5. Sister number two (child three) had her baby girl at the end of August. Eja Alessandra was born 25 August at 12:30 AM EST, 5 pounds, 10.2 ounces and 19 inches long. She was healthy at birth and mom came through it better than her first one. A day later, some kind of enzyme or something stopped working or started working or (Jesus, can we tell I'm not even remotely clued in to illness-related stuff?!) whatever, and baby had a partially collapsed lung, among other things. It was touch and go for a couple days, and then my sister and her hubby moved the baby to a children's hospital, where she immediately began improving. God bless children's hospitals, as well as their incredible staff!! Eja is happy and healthy now, and getting bigger each day.

( A few pictures of my pretty niece! )

6. Try not to pass out with this news: I am going to the doctor today. Not for most of the things I should also probably be seen for, but-. Last month, my right elbow started hurting. It only took a day or two for it to shift and spread down the outer part of my forearm and into my outer wrist and the ring and pinky fingers.

It's affecting my work speed; it hurts to add more than a couple pages of figures. Typing too long hurts. Sometimes writing - the act of holding the pen itself - hurts. And lots of other things are affected, too: I can't really open my own soda bottles anymore, or lift a pot of pasta to drain it, etc. I get out of having to help carry in the groceries, but that's not exactly a trade-off I can fully enjoy, as it hurts to do a host of other things I never actually realized used those particular areas.

I had to wait to be seen, unfortunately, but the day is here, so we'll see what's what, hopefully. Everything I've read points me away from carpal tunnel and mostly in the direction of tennis elbow, but again - we'll see what's what.

( On the TMI scale... )

7. We had our week at the lake in August, which was lovely, and we just had a long weekend up in Duluth, which for the first time ever was GORGEOUS, weather-wise. I would LOVE to live up there. I never, ever get tired of it, even in the rain and gloom and snow. There weren't many leaves left on the trees, but the ones that were there were that stunning autumn red.

8. I've been writing quite a bit, working on my next-gen HP piece I started years ago. I'm revamping quite a bit and writing new scenes, too, and enjoying every second of it. Speaking of HP, one of these days I should post another of my one-shots.

9. Um. I think that's everything? If you'd like me to expand on anything, please let me know! I am reading entries, but haven't commented in ages; I will work on that, but am making no promises as we head into the ever-busy holiday season. Please know that I read you all and am thinking about you. ♥

My mouth is KILLING me.

I ended up going to the dentist today for an evaluation because seriously? This can't go on.

I got a prescription for penicillin to combat an infection, and appointment for a root canal in one tooth and a filling in the one next to it.

There are some other cavities that need filling, but right now these two are the problem. I'm scared, but not as badly as I might otherwise be; the pain is enough.

But sad news: my appointment isn't till JULY 19. God, help me.

Going to the dentist today. First time in 13 years.

Just a set of XRays and a cleaning today, since it's been so long, but still...hands in my mouth, things in my mouth, getting scolded for having poor habits... NOT looking forward to this.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't gag violently every time I brush my teeth. And if I didn't have such a big mouth fetish.

Someone, save me. *sighs*

I have no point to this post, really. I just felt like ruminating on something that's kind of hovering like a bad aftertaste in the back of my throat...

So we're going on vacation soon. Third weekend in June, to be exact. We've been wanting to go to South Dakota for a while, since none of us has ever been. And someone - I'm not sure whom, but it sure as hell wasn't me - had the brilliant idea to go there *scrunches up face* camping.

Now, I make no secret of the fact that I am a born-and-bred city girl. I'm afraid of farm animals, for pity's sake. Farm animals! You know, cows, horses, sheep? Terrified of them. And chickens! *shudders* I love the idea of open land and lots of space - but I need a city within an hour's drive to keep myself from going crazy, right?

So now my loving husband AKA Spawn of Satan is ready and raring to take me, self-affirmed city-girl, out into Custer State Park to sleep in a tent. For four nights. Because he thinks it'll be a nice way to get away...and funny to see ME there. There are BUFFALO (buffaloes?) in there. Just roaming around! And mountain lions! And God-only-knows WHAT other creepy-crawlies.

There are flushing toilets and real showers, thank GOD and everything holy. They're, like, way far away from our campsite - but at least it's some modicum of civilization, right? I'll just have to make sure I go before we turn in for the night, because I am not wandering anywhere on my own in the middle of the night (Because what if some buffalo snorted on me or something? For real, it could happen, and it terrifies me! You have no idea just how NOT kidding I am!), and I don't DO outhouses. Not even if I have to go real, real bad.

Honestly, my idea of camping is actually finding the nearest Motel 6. If we're talking Motel 6, then yeah, I've been camping so many times, I can't count them all. I'm a FABULOUS camper.

But NOOOO... We have to get a tent. *rolls eyes* We already own an air mattress, but need another. Mikey's grandparents are going as well, and my sister, Amanda. Everyone is completely looking forward to it, although I think they're all more interested in me and how I handle it.

*sighs* And there was much rejoicing...yayyy...

And just for the record, I'm grinning while writing this...but I really am internally freaking out about this trip.