Parenting Issues.

[psyche29]

Jesus Christ on STILTS.

I am at my wit's end. I have no idea what to do with Mikey. He's ten years old, in fourth grade, and has been in school for a month now. He has had his name on the board all but five, maybe six of those days, and always for the same thing - not listening/not following directions.

We've expressed disappointment in him, we've discussed - very one-sidedly - that his responsibilities as a kid are very few, we've discussed our expectations of him and given him every chance in the world to respond, we've asked him his opinion, we've asked him if anything has been bothering him, we've taken away video game/television priviliges, etc. Nothing is working.

He won't just fucking TELL us what he's thinking, he'll hardly even answer a damn question - he just nods or shakes his head, if that, even - often he just sits there and stares at the floor. Occasionally he'll shrug...you know, if we're lucky.

He was sent to Stop and Learn last Friday because he didn't follow directions one too many times. He came home crying, he was so upset about it. BUT HE DOESN'T CHANGE! He got his name on the board AGAIN today. It is RIDICULOUS, and I have to excuse myself from the room to keep from shaking him silly and flat-out asking what the FUCK his problem is, because you can't very well say that to a kid!

Matt had me on speakerphone so I could hear them talking and say something if I needed to - but I'm at work and can't very well yell at him, nor would it accomplish anything because he'd just cry like a big baby, then sit there and continue to not answer, anyway. Which leaves me frustrated as FUCKING HELL.

He did say that "other kids were distracting" him, and that his classroom is too noisy - but I disagree, or the whole class would be getting in trouble, no? The teacher would have told us when she called us on Friday that other kids were bothering him. And she would have noticed, those class sizes are relatively small. The problem is him, but how do we fix it?

I am grounding him from video games, from watching ANY television at all, from using the computer - pretty soon, I'm going to start throwing out toys and games. I don't know what else to do besides spank the living daylights out of him - and that's definitely not a fitting punishment for this kind of thing, in my mind.

I've just today changed my work hours to half an hour later - which will give him the chance in the morning to ease into wakefulness, to linger a bit over his breakfast, to be a little more fully awake when it's time to leave, because we'll drop HIM off first instead of me and he won't need to be rushing. I'm hoping it will help him to focus better, to maybe be more alert and ready. But what if it doesn't?

I wasn't like this as kid - hell, I wasn't anything like a normal kid. It's difficult for me to remember that most kids don't - can't - think on the level that I did. I figure if I knew, why can't he? My brain says every kid's different, but that little WTF guy in the cage in the back corner keeps yelling through the bars.

I just don't know what else to do.

Any ideas?

*whimpers for help before she packs him off to boarding school*

Comments

[loveweasleys04.livejournal.com]

First off *hugs* I can see where this would be extremely frustrating and it does sound that you and Matt have really excised everything you could.

As a mom w/ an education degree I think I can help...a bit...I hope.

He did say that "other kids were distracting" him, and that his classroom is too noisy

Before I even read this statement I was wondering if this was part of the problem. Class sizes are getting bigger and it is harder for children to thrive. If this is the case, I would believe him and talk to the teacher about it. He may just do better in a smaller environment if that is available or the teacher isn't doing a good job of managing the kids. Other parents could be having the same problem.

The teacher would have told us when she called us on Friday that other kids were bothering him. And she would have noticed, those class sizes are relatively small.

Even if the class size is small, it may not be managed that well. I would ask Mikey what specifically is bothering him about the kids in class.

I've just today changed my work hours to half an hour later - which will give him the chance in the morning to ease into wakefulness, to linger a bit over his breakfast, to be a little more fully awake when it's time to leave, because we'll drop HIM off first instead of me and he won't need to be rushing. I'm hoping it will help him to focus better, to maybe be more alert and ready. But what if it doesn't?

I hope this helps. It may a bit. Kids just have to get up too early sometimes.

Have you had him tested for any possible learning challenges?

[psyche29.livejournal.com]

I was hoping you'd lend an ear. *hugs back*

I really don't think it's the teacher in this case, nor do I think it's the class size. And I don't think he has a problem, really, with any of the kids in the class. Sure, there are the couple here and there he doesn't like, but they're not the issue.

I do hope the hour change helps, but we're looking into ADD, too. We've found a page from the CDC that lists criterion used to diagnose ADHD here: http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/symptom.htm

He fits every single item in the very first list (labeled Inattention), none in the Hyperactivity list, and four in the Impulsivity list. Matt also found on Wikipedia the page for ADHD-1 (predominantly inattentive), here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ADHD_predominantly_inattentive It is EERIE how much this fits him. Like, to a T.

We're going to see, for now, if me changing my hours at all will help any, and we're going to work at curtailing his diet as well - removing things like food coloring and boosting his Omega 3/amino acids intake, etc. And if those things don't help, then we'll begin paperwork through his doctor.

We really, REALLY don't want to drug him if we can avoid it, so we're going to try what we can first.

[loveweasleys04.livejournal.com]

Well I hope the things that you try do help. I feel like more and more kids are being diagnosed with this. Teachers really do need to be trained on how to handle ADD in the class though too. I was in as much at least. There are a lot of things the teacher can do to help the child.

It could be very possible this is what is going on since Mikey can't really tell you what the matter is. He probably just doesn't understand why he can't pay attention.

My brother in law has ADHD, pretty bad at times. My MIL never put him on drugs, but did change his diet and did a natural pill thing and he is doing a lot better.

There are so many people dealing with this and if you do find out what is going on please talk to the school and teacher to find how you guys can work together.

*hugs*

[herminia.livejournal.com]

*hugs* That's got to be frustrating. But I've never had a ten-year-old, and I've never been a ten-year-old boy, and... :-/

[psyche29.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* I've never been one, either. *snorts out a laugh*

It is frustrating, but I've had a few hours to stew about it. Hopefully, we'll get on track with something workable (see above answer to Beth).

[kazzy24.livejournal.com]

I think Beth is absolutely spot on. Maybe getting him checked for some kind of learning difficulties is the best thing to do. I also think you are correct in consdering the changing of his diet - it is actually amazing how much difference it makes.

Also, ADHD isn't so bad once diagnosed. I can understand why you wouldn't want to put Mikey on drugs unless you absolutely have to, but it makes the world of difference. I know someone who wasn't diagnosed with it until he was 15 - up until then he had the attention span of an orange and couldn't sit still for five minutes! Practically from birth he wouldn't go to bed before midnight because he had too much energy - and the decision to give him the drugs was pretty much the only option as he has a million other illnesses that already controlled his diet.

Try not to get too mad with him though, the chances are it will all sort itself out in time.

*hugs*

[kriz29.livejournal.com]

I can understand how that would be frustrating. I think the punishments you've given him so far such as taking away video games and such, are very fair, and that type of thing works much better than spanking. I think you're doing a good job - the change in diet and sleep hours will probably make a difference, and I hope it will help. I know a few people with ADD who are not taking medication and are perfectly fine, so there is probably a solution without having to use drugs.
Then again my advice is probably the least useful thing ever since I'm not a mom nor a ten-year-old boy... so, I'll just say good luck. *hugs*