Been a while.
Feb. 24th, 2009 10:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
psyche29I don't really have much to say. I just haven't been here much lately - wait. Strike that, reverse it...I haven't been ABLE to be here much lately.
Life's been hectic. Work is insane, and well it should be as I'messentially literally working two jobs. I'm finding out exactly how little my former boss actually did, now I'm responsible for cleaning it all up. It's...disheartening.
I haven't learned how to prioritize yet. I used to know exactly what came first, second, etc. Now it's all a jumble.
If I found a job elsewhere with comparable benefits and at least equal pay, I'd jump at it. And that's unusual for me, because I'm ridiculously loyal and slow to embrace change when it comes to my job.
Our internet connection here at home has been sketchy, at best. I don't get it - we pay for excellent service (high-speed cable internet) along with our cable television. The channels all work just fine, so how can the idiots be daft enough to tell me the internet isn't working well because it's so cold? Two words: "BULL" and "SHIT." *rolls eyes* Tonight is actually the first night in a few weeks that it's been working without a hiccup. So, here I am, boring the lot of you silly.
And then, of course, there's my complete apathy of late. I don't want to go anywhere, to do anything. I feel broken, bogged down by the complete lack of friends I seem to have. Most of the time I'm fine, but sometimes it just kills my brain and my heart that all I have are online friends. What kind of loser am I that all I seem capable of making is online friends? And I can hardly keep those - the one who was going to stay...hasn't, didn't. What am I doing wrong? Is it that I'm whining like this? Should I just shut up and put on my big girl panties and accept that I'm not really meant to have anybody who's just mine, that I'm here solely to be of service to others? Because if so, wow. Nice life. Never thought anyone could be so mediocre - twisted little joke that it happens to be me, right? *rolls eyes*
And now I feel guilty for bitching. Sorry. I'm going to go to bed now and try to sleep off the headache I just inflicted on myself.
For all my pathetic selfishness, I do hope you're all doing well. *hugs*
Life's been hectic. Work is insane, and well it should be as I'm
I haven't learned how to prioritize yet. I used to know exactly what came first, second, etc. Now it's all a jumble.
If I found a job elsewhere with comparable benefits and at least equal pay, I'd jump at it. And that's unusual for me, because I'm ridiculously loyal and slow to embrace change when it comes to my job.
Our internet connection here at home has been sketchy, at best. I don't get it - we pay for excellent service (high-speed cable internet) along with our cable television. The channels all work just fine, so how can the idiots be daft enough to tell me the internet isn't working well because it's so cold? Two words: "BULL" and "SHIT." *rolls eyes* Tonight is actually the first night in a few weeks that it's been working without a hiccup. So, here I am, boring the lot of you silly.
And then, of course, there's my complete apathy of late. I don't want to go anywhere, to do anything. I feel broken, bogged down by the complete lack of friends I seem to have. Most of the time I'm fine, but sometimes it just kills my brain and my heart that all I have are online friends. What kind of loser am I that all I seem capable of making is online friends? And I can hardly keep those - the one who was going to stay...hasn't, didn't. What am I doing wrong? Is it that I'm whining like this? Should I just shut up and put on my big girl panties and accept that I'm not really meant to have anybody who's just mine, that I'm here solely to be of service to others? Because if so, wow. Nice life. Never thought anyone could be so mediocre - twisted little joke that it happens to be me, right? *rolls eyes*
And now I feel guilty for bitching. Sorry. I'm going to go to bed now and try to sleep off the headache I just inflicted on myself.
For all my pathetic selfishness, I do hope you're all doing well. *hugs*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 08:26 am (UTC)I know it's crappy, and sometimes everything seems to get on top of you, but if you can try and focus on the good (because it is there, no matter how deep it is buried!) it will start to be okay again. Maybe you should try taking some of your own advice and talk to someone when things get too much - I am just a PM away, and I could also be just a phonecall away at the weekend when you are at home. :D
*huggles*
no subject
Date: 2009-02-26 01:24 am (UTC)...
I know it's crappy, and sometimes everything seems to get on top of you, but if you can try and focus on the good (because it is there, no matter how deep it is buried!) it will start to be okay again.
Sometimes, I just need that kick in the pants. Thanks, babe. *cuddles*