Been a while.

[psyche29]

I don't really have much to say. I just haven't been here much lately - wait. Strike that, reverse it...I haven't been ABLE to be here much lately.

Life's been hectic. Work is insane, and well it should be as I'm essentially literally working two jobs. I'm finding out exactly how little my former boss actually did, now I'm responsible for cleaning it all up. It's...disheartening.

I haven't learned how to prioritize yet. I used to know exactly what came first, second, etc. Now it's all a jumble.

If I found a job elsewhere with comparable benefits and at least equal pay, I'd jump at it. And that's unusual for me, because I'm ridiculously loyal and slow to embrace change when it comes to my job.

Our internet connection here at home has been sketchy, at best. I don't get it - we pay for excellent service (high-speed cable internet) along with our cable television. The channels all work just fine, so how can the idiots be daft enough to tell me the internet isn't working well because it's so cold? Two words: "BULL" and "SHIT." *rolls eyes* Tonight is actually the first night in a few weeks that it's been working without a hiccup. So, here I am, boring the lot of you silly.

And then, of course, there's my complete apathy of late. I don't want to go anywhere, to do anything. I feel broken, bogged down by the complete lack of friends I seem to have. Most of the time I'm fine, but sometimes it just kills my brain and my heart that all I have are online friends. What kind of loser am I that all I seem capable of making is online friends? And I can hardly keep those - the one who was going to stay...hasn't, didn't. What am I doing wrong? Is it that I'm whining like this? Should I just shut up and put on my big girl panties and accept that I'm not really meant to have anybody who's just mine, that I'm here solely to be of service to others? Because if so, wow. Nice life. Never thought anyone could be so mediocre - twisted little joke that it happens to be me, right? *rolls eyes*

And now I feel guilty for bitching. Sorry. I'm going to go to bed now and try to sleep off the headache I just inflicted on myself.

For all my pathetic selfishness, I do hope you're all doing well. *hugs*

Comments

[herminia.livejournal.com]

I feel broken, bogged down by the complete lack of friends I seem to have.

*snuggles* I'm sorry. I love you dearly, and I think you're one of the most thoroughly worthwhile people I know.

As for real life friends, I think it's really just harder to meet people now than it used to be. And that's sad. Now everyone walks around overscheduled, with Blackberries in their hands, iPod buds in their ears, cellphones to their mouths, not making connections with other human beings. We used to be a society of clubs, congregations, and organizations, and now we bowl alone. I am lucky to have a handful of real life friends, but I'm mystified by people who always have a full social calendar. My brother is one of those people. How does he arrange it?

I'm sorry work is so stressful, too. Is your housing situation still up in the air on top of everything? :-(

[psyche29.livejournal.com]

I love you back! *burrows in* And thanks.

You're right, of course. And I don't have any desire for one of those "full social calendars," for gobs of friends and constant stimulation. It's just that every once in a while, I want to have someone to go see who doesn't live hundreds of miles away, whose back door I'm always welcome to walk through no matter the time. And who isn't my husband.

Is your housing situation still up in the air on top of everything?

It is. But I'm working on it. :)

[kazzy24.livejournal.com]

Take a step back and think about what you just said. Whether your friends are online or offline - it doesn't matter. I know you can't meet up with online people and go shopping, or watch a movie, but from my experience - my online friends have more or less been a lot more use to me than some of my RL friends! Besides - what about Beth? You met her online, but she is right there! You guys are SO close to each other, which makes you a lot luckier than I am in terms of friends being nearby ;)

I know it's crappy, and sometimes everything seems to get on top of you, but if you can try and focus on the good (because it is there, no matter how deep it is buried!) it will start to be okay again. Maybe you should try taking some of your own advice and talk to someone when things get too much - I am just a PM away, and I could also be just a phonecall away at the weekend when you are at home. :D

*huggles*

[psyche29.livejournal.com]

Whether your friends are online or offline - it doesn't matter. I know you can't meet up with online people and go shopping, or watch a movie, but from my experience - my online friends have more or less been a lot more use to me than some of my RL friends!

...

I know it's crappy, and sometimes everything seems to get on top of you, but if you can try and focus on the good (because it is there, no matter how deep it is buried!) it will start to be okay again.

Sometimes, I just need that kick in the pants. Thanks, babe. *cuddles*

[wandaxmaximoff.livejournal.com]

I agree with Kaz and herminia. You're an awesome person, and I love being your friend. There's nothing about you that should make other not want to be your friend, and then only thing I can think of is that the other people have just drifted away because of being busy etc. It's there loss though, as they're missing out on a great friend like you.

Plus, don't worry too much, the only RL friends I have are Ad, my mum and my sister.

I think herminia hit the nail on the head when she said I think it's really just harder to meet people now than it used to be. and Not making connections with other human beings. We used to be a society of clubs, congregations, and organizations, and now we bowl alone. -- it's so true.

And of course, Kaz is right, you've got Beth, and (even though it's not the same) you've got me, Kaz and other people online. You know, if you ever want to talk, all you have to do is email or PM me, and I'm sure we could set something up on Skype etc. so that we could talk over the phone or something. ^_~

I'm sorry work is getting you down; I really don't know what to suggest, as the most I've ever worked is waitressing, or selling clothes in a store. However, you're still adjusting to your boss leaving, and taking on more duties. I'm sure once you get that straightened out, and get back into a routine, things will become much easier. Like Kaz said - and with which I fully agree - but if you can try and focus on the good (because it is there, no matter how deep it is buried!) it will start to be okay again.

As to your internet and cable ... *rolleye* My God, are they my cable company? The problems you're having sound just like the issues we had last year. We have out cable, Internet and phoneline with the same company. The cable and phoneline work fine, but last year (even though we're on the highest speed they offer) we kept getting disconnected randomly or it went really slow. I tried everything, even going so far as calling up the company that make our router and getting them to test it to make sure that wasn't the problem (and the damn people at the cable company had the cheek to be rude to the really helpful guy who worked at the router, when I was in a threeway conversation with them both.)

Eventually - though, I have no clue how - the issues seemed to resolve itself and we haven't had much problems lately, so hopefully, yours will right itself too. And if not, tell me, and I'll come kick your cable company's arses! ^_~

Hope you're headache clears, and your felling a little better now, babe.

Remember, I love you (as do many others, I'm sure) and I'm here if you need anything.

*squishy hugs*

XXXXXX

[psyche29.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Clare. *hugs back* Feeling a little better. :)

[wandaxmaximoff.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! Glad to hear you're feeling better, and remember, I'm here if you need anything. :D

[loveweasleys04.livejournal.com]

Life's been hectic. Work is insane, and well it should be as I'm essentially literally working two jobs. I'm finding out exactly how little my former boss actually did, now I'm responsible for cleaning it all up. It's...disheartening.

Huh, do you feel kind of like Obama? *hugs* sweetie. I miss you but I know you are busy right now.

:( Do you guys want to come over and see the new place? We don't have any plans this weekend. I could talk to Dana and see what he thinks. But we feel "settled" now which is good. We could have a Wii day...let me know. If you don't feel up to it that is fine, I have times too where I don't feel like going out much. But we would love to have you over and then you could check the place out while you are hear and see if it is a place you would like (we love it).

[psyche29.livejournal.com]

Beth!!

I miss you too! I was worried you were upset with me when I didn't manage to get those boxes to you! I commented on one of your entries, but can't recall if you replied, so I thought...well, never mind, I'm a dork.

We'd love to come see your place. It'll give me a chance to set up an appointment with the office there and see what's available, if anything. If Dana's not into the idea, that's fine, no worries. If he's cool, then sure, we'll bring the Wii and Guitar Hero and everything, yeah? Let me know. We could even bring, like, Papa Murphys' pizza or something equally yummo.

[loveweasleys04.livejournal.com]

XD Of course I wasn't upset! I knew how crazy busy you were so I didn't want to push you or stress you out. Besides, if I really needed them I would have made arrangements to pick them up, not expect you to drop them off. *hugs*

Yes! That sounds awesome!! We can always order out and split the price too. What time works good for you guys? Elaina goes down for a nap around 11:30-1:30 so either before or after that. We could do a early dinner thing too like 3-6 or something.

[superbeffie.livejournal.com]

It can't all be bad, you get to talk to me now. ; )
In all seriousness, I have more friends online than off and can be more myself here than almost anywhere. I'm not a loser (much) and when I'm not feeling emo I prefer it this way. Remember what I said about not brushing my hair for you guys!!

I'm here solely to be of service to others We all are, just most live in selfish denial of that. The world would be a much better place if we all lived with that in mind. Mark 9:35 Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."
*snuggles*
You want to make out at the slumber party? ; )

[psyche29.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Beth. *hugs*

Mark 9:35 Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."

Wouldn't have come round to this myself - thanks for lending a bit of perspective.

You want to make out at the slumber party? ; )

*snorts inelegantly* Totally. XD.

[kriz29.livejournal.com]

Awww *hugs* I'm sorry things have been getting you down. But remember - you just started your new job and of course it's going to be difficult at first, but it will get so much better once you've settled in.

Most of the time I'm fine, but sometimes it just kills my brain and my heart that all I have are online friends. What kind of loser am I that all I seem capable of making is online friends?

That doesn't make you a loser at all! I agree with what Kaz said - that it doesn't matter whether your friends are online or offline. What matters is that we're all here for you. I hope you're feeling better soon, and remember that I love you and I think you're a great friend. *hugs*

[psyche29.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Kris! *hugs back*