Been a while.

[psyche29]

I don't really have much to say. I just haven't been here much lately - wait. Strike that, reverse it...I haven't been ABLE to be here much lately.

Life's been hectic. Work is insane, and well it should be as I'm essentially literally working two jobs. I'm finding out exactly how little my former boss actually did, now I'm responsible for cleaning it all up. It's...disheartening.

I haven't learned how to prioritize yet. I used to know exactly what came first, second, etc. Now it's all a jumble.

If I found a job elsewhere with comparable benefits and at least equal pay, I'd jump at it. And that's unusual for me, because I'm ridiculously loyal and slow to embrace change when it comes to my job.

Our internet connection here at home has been sketchy, at best. I don't get it - we pay for excellent service (high-speed cable internet) along with our cable television. The channels all work just fine, so how can the idiots be daft enough to tell me the internet isn't working well because it's so cold? Two words: "BULL" and "SHIT." *rolls eyes* Tonight is actually the first night in a few weeks that it's been working without a hiccup. So, here I am, boring the lot of you silly.

And then, of course, there's my complete apathy of late. I don't want to go anywhere, to do anything. I feel broken, bogged down by the complete lack of friends I seem to have. Most of the time I'm fine, but sometimes it just kills my brain and my heart that all I have are online friends. What kind of loser am I that all I seem capable of making is online friends? And I can hardly keep those - the one who was going to stay...hasn't, didn't. What am I doing wrong? Is it that I'm whining like this? Should I just shut up and put on my big girl panties and accept that I'm not really meant to have anybody who's just mine, that I'm here solely to be of service to others? Because if so, wow. Nice life. Never thought anyone could be so mediocre - twisted little joke that it happens to be me, right? *rolls eyes*

And now I feel guilty for bitching. Sorry. I'm going to go to bed now and try to sleep off the headache I just inflicted on myself.

For all my pathetic selfishness, I do hope you're all doing well. *hugs*

Comments

[wandaxmaximoff.livejournal.com]

I agree with Kaz and herminia. You're an awesome person, and I love being your friend. There's nothing about you that should make other not want to be your friend, and then only thing I can think of is that the other people have just drifted away because of being busy etc. It's there loss though, as they're missing out on a great friend like you.

Plus, don't worry too much, the only RL friends I have are Ad, my mum and my sister.

I think herminia hit the nail on the head when she said I think it's really just harder to meet people now than it used to be. and Not making connections with other human beings. We used to be a society of clubs, congregations, and organizations, and now we bowl alone. -- it's so true.

And of course, Kaz is right, you've got Beth, and (even though it's not the same) you've got me, Kaz and other people online. You know, if you ever want to talk, all you have to do is email or PM me, and I'm sure we could set something up on Skype etc. so that we could talk over the phone or something. ^_~

I'm sorry work is getting you down; I really don't know what to suggest, as the most I've ever worked is waitressing, or selling clothes in a store. However, you're still adjusting to your boss leaving, and taking on more duties. I'm sure once you get that straightened out, and get back into a routine, things will become much easier. Like Kaz said - and with which I fully agree - but if you can try and focus on the good (because it is there, no matter how deep it is buried!) it will start to be okay again.

As to your internet and cable ... *rolleye* My God, are they my cable company? The problems you're having sound just like the issues we had last year. We have out cable, Internet and phoneline with the same company. The cable and phoneline work fine, but last year (even though we're on the highest speed they offer) we kept getting disconnected randomly or it went really slow. I tried everything, even going so far as calling up the company that make our router and getting them to test it to make sure that wasn't the problem (and the damn people at the cable company had the cheek to be rude to the really helpful guy who worked at the router, when I was in a threeway conversation with them both.)

Eventually - though, I have no clue how - the issues seemed to resolve itself and we haven't had much problems lately, so hopefully, yours will right itself too. And if not, tell me, and I'll come kick your cable company's arses! ^_~

Hope you're headache clears, and your felling a little better now, babe.

Remember, I love you (as do many others, I'm sure) and I'm here if you need anything.

*squishy hugs*

XXXXXX

[psyche29.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Clare. *hugs back* Feeling a little better. :)

[wandaxmaximoff.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! Glad to hear you're feeling better, and remember, I'm here if you need anything. :D